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But why is this a saying? We must have had people experience this concept over centuries of lost items and hopeful encounters. I decided to explore this theory because I thoroughly believe it myself. And yet, here I am, sitting alone with nothing but a vanilla latte, a half-filled notebook, and Hozier in my headphones to keep me company.
But why not? Many people in my shoes might be hitting the panic button with white knuckles.
Since I know that if I simply stop looking for it, it will come to me. I know that if I focus on myself, my career, my aspirations, and do things that I like to do, I have no doubt that I will find and share a lovely relationship with a loving partner. But why do I believe in this so whole-heartedly? Literally nothing. So why this? Why is this where I cross that line?
There has to be. But in order to explain, we have to look into a couple of things:. Many people actually do find love when they go looking for it. No one makes note of someone who set out to date several people and then actually found someone.
If anything, the rest of us are just pissed that it actually worked for them. We sulk or become even more desperate, and our potential partners can practically smell the desperation. This is the game-changer. But why does it work? We start investing in our own growth — we cultivate routines, plans, and goals, and we nurture these ideas into fruition.
The world suddenly has to keep up with you, not the other way around. This state is where we learn to love ourselves. You at least come off as more desirable. And of those 10, individuals, you would be extremely compatible with 10 of them. All 10 of them would make for fantastic, long-term, blossoming relationships. Guess what? You now have to sift through all 10, of those people. So what if, instead, you focused on yourself. You would undoubtedly start putting yourself in specific, increasingly familiar circles. They have to be. Your quest for love just got quiet, streamlined, and clear.
People have a natural tendency to feel entitled to having all of the information and all of the options.
We believe that we deserve this level of power because we are instilled with the concept of free will. We believe it will lead to personal autonomy. In a study on consumer decision-making as it relates to policymaking, researchers found that:. And as another example, this study examined how more options in the dating world also led to similar conclusions:. We let love come to us.
By having fewer choices, we develop enhanced clarity of mind and are less likely to make questionable decisions. Also, it should be noted that taking care of yourself is always smart. Despite all of this analysis — the s, the stats, the logic, the psychology, and the pragmatism — nothing is guaranteed. So take care of yourself and stop trying to appeal to the masses.
For more on life and love, check this one out:. in. Felicia C. Why not looking actually works.
Reid Gan Follow. Sometimes, you just know…. I Love You Relationships now. I Love You Follow.
Written by Reid Gan Follow. More From Medium. The Two Gifts. Philip Siddons in Feminist Fables. My polyamory came from a utopia. Kirstie Taylor in P. I Love You. Andrew Collins. Love is a Battlefield…or a Rugby Pitch. Adam Hughes in With You. Am I the reason I am still single? October Morning. Oscillating Dimensions.What like you are not looking
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“You Find Love When You’re Not Looking For It” Isn’t Magic